admin
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449 Posts
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08/04/2009 08:00:00
POST DATE
05/05/2009 17:31:01 |
For me, this seems an important topic. Being a family member or close friend of an accused person in many ways is as traumatic and stressful as it is for the accused him/her self. Clearly there are differences but it is important to realise that these don't make the hurt or torment any less significant for everyone else concerned. As has been discussed in other topics, family members have said they feel guilty for doing normal everyday things and as I have said myself there are restrictions placed on the relatives too by things such as needing to be near a phone at a particular time incase it rings.
You, like the accused themselves know that they are innocent, otherwise you wouldn't be here and that hurts you as much as it does them. For that reason if and when you go out in my opinion it is important that you hold your heads up high, knowing what you know. I'm not in anyway suggesting that this is an easy thing to do partiicularly if the related case is high profile, but neither you nor the accused have done anything to be ashamed of so why present yourself in any other way than sure and confident. If others don't like it, well, tough I'd say.
On the same topic, and speaking more from my own experience rather than my families, it is important from the accused's perspective that you do as much as possible what you would normally. I don't know how many times I felt awful because me being accused and remanded was affecting other people's lives too. Being imprisoned for something you haven't done is a problem, all be it a huge one, for solicitors to sort out. Yes, support from family and friends is crucial to how wll you cope and therefore how badly affected you are when you are released but from my point of view it was also important that the injustice didn't spread any further than could be avoided.
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Billysis
Member's Home Page
25 Posts
Member Since
28/04/2009 14:23:53
POST DATE
05/05/2009 22:17:42 |
Well put Billy-I think you've really summed most things up so that might see the end of this subject!
No seriously, I totally agree with the importance of getting out there and holding your head up high-it's not easy and in fact a very strange thing to do when your not used to being in the public eye, however if you have full faith in the accussed it makes mixing much easier and you can feel content at being fully aware of what actually happened and in some ways feel pity on those who only hear half a story.
It's difficult though-even going to the shop seems such an ordeal, you don't want to speak to people about it, you feel like everyone is speaking about it but it's worse when people actually tip toe around it, I always felt that no-one could win no matter they did. I would definately recommend that any family member resists to urge to make excuses to stay home and get back into things as best you can-it'll give you some news to pass on to your relative if nothing else, there must be nothing worse then phoning home from prison only to be met with a newsless person-something we were all guilty of to end up with.
I could go on and on but will try not to but one final thing for this post is you shouldn't think everyone is speaking about you and knows everything about you-they aren't. The other day someone asked me if I had any brothers or sisters! a question I thought I'd never be asked again.
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bigsis
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52 Posts
Member Since
29/04/2009 21:18:57
POST DATE
20/05/2009 20:10:01 |
Hi I put on another thread about visiting the prison with children in treatment received in craiginches. I would like to point out that although visiting was difficult, from the initial booking the visit right through to the end of the visit. (By that i mean saying goodbye after a half hour visit). I beleive it was very worth while for both Billy and myself, my husband and my family members. I wouldn't like my last post to put anyone off visiting a loved one as i'm sure Billy would agree the visits received while in prison was very beneficial no matter how hard it might have been.
Keep up the good work Billy the site is growing well and i'm sure is helping lots of unfortunate people.
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All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.
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admin
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449 Posts
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08/04/2009 08:00:00
POST DATE
27/05/2009 19:24:24 |
Visiting can be hard for all concerned but nevertheless it is extremely important that contact and support is not affected any more than the restrictions in force dictate. Obviously when children are involved the difficulties and fears are even more of an issue but so to are the benefits. Provision could certainly be better for them, 30 minutes is a long time for a child particularly the younger ones but they are a fresh face and a source of encouragement.
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admin
Member's Home Page
449 Posts
Member Since
08/04/2009 08:00:00
POST DATE
15/09/2009 17:53:40 |
I received a gift today which ordinarily would not be relevant though the message inscribed on it most certainly is in this case.
"A hug is a great gift, one size fits all"
It is not the basic meaning of this quote that is particularly poignant in this case but rather what it represents that makes it worth mention in this thread though it could equally apply to others in the forum.
While in simple terms a hug is merely a physical embracing of one person by another or by each to the other. Symbolically it is a sign of unity, strength and support which succeeds where often words are simply not enough. Clearly I do not mean that you should not speak but 'hug' instead, communication is important also though often it is difficult to articulate how you feel or what you need. Rather I mean that it is through supporting each other, through unity and strength that you will find it possible to endure what you collectively are made to endure.
Care should be taken in the application of a hug during prison visits however. While usually permitted at the beginning and end of visits, it is important to do so in such a way as it is not confused with an attempt to pass items between visitor and prisoner, this will help to avoid otherwise unnecessary searches which can be degrading limiting such searches to what fall within the prison's random and impartial entitlement. Quite simply, during any such embrace try to make sure your hands are where they can be seen.
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